Gnarled hands reach out, sliding easily through the bars that confine her soul. The lock is secure, but her prison is not impenetrable. A sob escapes from her throat, and a finger rushes to catch the solitary tear. Warm breath pulses through the darkness and a steady throb lures her heart into its rhythm. Someone is near.
She shrinks back in fear to the corner of her cell. Frustrated at her inability to walk in freedom, confinement was her only option. Self-incarcerated, the pit pulled her deeper. It had been days since the last thin beam of sunlight stole away from sight and the dense darkness became her only companion. How then, was she not alone? She ran till she dropped, tunneled till she couldn’t lift her arms, and wallowed till she couldn’t recognize her own humanity. Shutting down thought and denying emotion. Emptiness was her only truth.
Who then is this unsought guest? Why does the emptiness take on form and life? She huddles further down, curling her toes around the uneven stone pavement and clenching her fists tightly against her body. A thought flashes, “I will not be taken by this eerie stranger, this unnamed person,� and her mind screams, “I control me! I will choose when I cry, when I run, when I rest, when I speak. You, oh vibrant visitant, will not affect me without my leave.�
Despite the strong offensive assault of her stubborn will, her heart raises a timid but firm hand, asking permission to be heard… “Perhaps this stranger isn’t here to mock or shame, or to use coercive force…. perhaps it is safe to show myself to him… perhaps there is another way than the one I’ve chosen…â€? Her will bends slightly, inclines an ear, and suppresses further protestations. Weak legs raise her battered body and she inches herself closer to the one who inhabited and warmed the darkness. He extends an invitation, and she reaches for the water, held in hands she instantly recognizes.
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June 21, 2006 at 2:40 p06
Tina
Oh Staci Joy … you have just been away from me too long … hee hee
Ok seriously …. for goodness sake write a book already! Share the beauty with more than just a handful of bloogers …
I love you … my gentle, sensitive, complex and emotional friend!
Come see me one of these days … GOSH!!!
June 21, 2006 at 2:40 p06
Tina
haa haa (proof-reading would be helpful)
bloogers or bloggers whichever you prefer … either way … more people need to engage the beauty of the dance you create with words!!
June 24, 2006 at 2:40 p06
stacijoy
Tina, you bring sparks of light to my dreams! MUAH!
June 24, 2006 at 2:40 p06
niza
that’s really beautiful staci. you do need to listen to tina and put it all in a book that we can all enjoy.
miss you.
June 24, 2006 at 2:40 p06
stacijoy
I miss you too Niza — maybe you can drive up and visit soon? Perhaps we can convince Dean to whip up his famous ribs… Or we can come to you! Where are you now? Any luck in the house hunting?
June 25, 2006 at 2:40 p06
rosekat
beautiful,beautiful,beautiful post.
July 11, 2006 at 2:40 p07
Sam.
Hey Staci! How are you doing?
July 11, 2006 at 2:40 p07
stacijoy
SAM! Thanks for coming by! I’m doing well right now. I’m currently sitting in a hotel lobby in Carlsbad, New Mexico. I’m very far south in the high desert, near the Texas and Mexico borders. I’m visiting family and we took a little trip down here to explore the Carlsbad Caverns. It’s fun to see more of my huge country. As for other parts of me, there’s been a growing sense of peacefulness as I’ve been settling into this family of 7 this week… it’s such a different life than the focused, fast-paced one I live back home and I’m really glad for this time. How are you? I’ve been enjoying your pictures and world cup updates, though I’m sorry for your recent sorrow when your team was out
July 11, 2006 at 2:40 p07
Rachel
Hello! Feel like I’ve not connected with you in ages! I love your post! Absolutely beautiful. You truly have a gift. Hope you’re enjoying your trip. You’re always welcome to come and have a trip to Sheffield!! (A bit further, I know but we can be your family here!)
July 11, 2006 at 2:40 p07
Sam.
Thanks for the update! Sounds like you’re having fun. It’s good to have a change of scenery sometimes isn’t it?
I’m doing well thanks. Work - as ever - is just “ok”. I’m happy enough, but it does feel like its a pay-the-bills type job in order for me to do what I love with Mosaic. I enjoy it…just doesn’t inspire me I guess. Mosaic stuff is going well though…it’s exciting and challenging seeing a community slowly start to form. We’re encouraged with what’s happening. Having a big BBQ on Saturday which should be fun too. Want to come?!
July 12, 2006 at 2:40 p07
stacijoy
Rachel, your new picture is absolutely lovely! I miss seeing you in person, even though we didn’t get all that much time together. How I would love to come to Sheffield! It’s something I keep in mind for next spring time or summer. I would love for it to work out, but who knows? I love what you guys are doing up there and it would be exciting to slip in alongside you for a few weeks.
Sam, I know what you mean about work. I’m in the midst of a job change (still nanny stuff though), and it’s been tough to make the decisions to stick with what I’m doing so that money can fund the rest of my life and dreams. I look forward to the time when my days don’t involve diapers and time-outs! And YES!!! I want to come to the BBQ!!! What time?
August 3, 2006 at 2:40 p08
Sam.
Hey Staci! How are you doing? I think we need a new post from you!!
August 6, 2006 at 2:40 p08
stacijoy
Hi Sam! I’ve been working on some stuff… I’ll start putting it up today. Thanks for wondering what’s been going on. I know my posts are few and far between, and I’m going to work on fixing that